the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
