I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i barfeds in our rink
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
