Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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