Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize