I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
