He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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