How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
