Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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