At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
