Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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