This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize