you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
