and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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