Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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