Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
