um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize