There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
