we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
