after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
