I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's even glitter on my cock...
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