Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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