I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
