i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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