Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
