why do cheetos always look like penises
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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