***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
