I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
