i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
