Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
