i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
