My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
