I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
