Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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