shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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