brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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