No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
