It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
