Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
