im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
