I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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