she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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