nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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