well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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