I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
