took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
