There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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