it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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