Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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