Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
