I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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