Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
