I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
