he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
