man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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