The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am one with the molecules
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
