Betty ford says i'm here all night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
