I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
