the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
