So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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