one two three fourrrrnication!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
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