Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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