Already got asked if we're dating
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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