just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
