I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
