He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want nice things and good sex
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
