Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
