There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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