At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
