She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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