They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am naked and annoyed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
