There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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