I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
