Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't turn off my feet"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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