so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
