Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize