You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
