He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
