member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
