Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
