We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
