I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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