Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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