Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you win again, gameday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize