Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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