A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Never underestimate the power of titties
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