bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
