I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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