got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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