i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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