you would pick up someone in the library
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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