3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
