apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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