Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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