maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
