were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
