i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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