I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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