i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize