I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
