I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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