sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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