I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
