The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
