I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
