I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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