I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That accounts for only three of the penises
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
