this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
