I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
