Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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